


Movies, butts and long legged knights

by justme (silver_spring)



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Birthday Gift Fic, F/M, I should not have authority over making up tags.., are you still reading this?, hopefully funny in parts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 02:43:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8428363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_spring/pseuds/justme
Summary: It's a midnight movie premiere and the fanboys and girls are out and about.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ikkiM](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ikkiM/gifts).



> I started this ficlet a long time ago when the premiere fic challenge was up, but began writing already with a block and so after a few hundred words just completely hit the mental 'you shall not pass' obstacle. Lately, writing's been getting easier thanks to JB week and the amazing round robins in the JBO forum (if you haven't yet, go check them out, they're awesome!) so I managed to finish this just in time for ikkiM's birthday.

After eleven months, two weeks and four days, the moment they had been waiting for had finally arrived: The midnight opening of the last installment of their favorite movie franchise.  
Jaime and Tyrion, having gotten their tickets about six seconds after they'd gone on sale, had made an event of the day, starting with watching the first three movies once more (extended director's cuts of course), then playing the video games, checking for and ordering brand new merchandise off the internet, and eating off their collectible character plates before finally donning their costumes and getting to the theater. They were being total fanboys and not one bit ashamed of it. Judging by the trailers and online hype it was going to be an epic conclusion to the series and that needed to be celebrated in style. Most of the other fans seemed to share that opinion, too. Looking around as they got out of the car and in line, slowly shuffling forward one step at a time, they saw people dressed up as their favorite characters all around them. It almost looked like a cosplay get-together. People were chatting animatedly, taking pictures on their phones, some were passing around drinks. The atmosphere was loaded with excitement. This was going to be an awesome night.

  
. . .

  
"Oh great!", Jaime exclaimed and stopped abruptly.

  
"What's wro---Aww, shit! Dammit Jaime!"

  
Tyrion who had just walked smack dab into his brother's legs, rubbed his head. Or tried to. The downside of a prop helmet was that while it was no real protection, it still had a tendency to get into the way.

  
"As I was trying to say before your fat ass probably gave me a concussion: What's wrong?"

  
Jaime whirled around, fixing his little brother with a glare.

  
"First of all: My ass is not fat. It's fine. Better than fine, actually. It--"

  
"Alright! Stop praising your own ass, please? It's weird. Now: What is going on?"

  
" _She's_ here."

  
"Who's here?"

  
"Brienne."

  
"Who's Brienne?"

  
"HonorOfEvenfall? You know, that mod on the War Lords Of Pentos board that gives meshit all the time for stating my opinion and unfairly threatened to block us both for a week for going off topic one or two times? She's over there, the one in blue armor."

  
Okay, perhaps his opinion very often included rather strong language and perhaps he and Tyrion had gone off topic more than one or two times, but that was totally besides the point..

  
"Really? How do you know it's her?" Tyrion asked, craning his neck to get a glimpse of the woman in question, but all he could see was the blue armor, not the person in it.  
"Fan convention a couple of months ago. You bailed on me, so I had to go alone?"

  
"I did not bail on you, I said from the get go I wasn't gonna come along; it was on my 3 year anniversary with Tysha!" the younger Lannister brother replied, annoyed, since it was not the first time that had come up.

  
"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, as I was standing in line to get a few things signed, I looked around and saw this really tall girl standing in another line a few feet away. Amazing legs, blonde hair, the amazonian type, you know? So I waited for her to turn around, maybe talk to her, and when she did...she was wearing a shirt with her forum avatar on it. Even had her user name printed on."

  
"I take it you didn't talk to her then."

  
"No, I did. That's how I know her name is Brienne. Duh. Let's just say we didn't get along all that well."

  
"Oh, no, don't skip. I'm gonna need some details. We'll be out here a while."

  
"Well, after I'd gotten my merch signed, she was still waiting in her line, so, because I'm nice and also because I had time to kill before the Q &A session, I went over and said hi. Told her that I recognized her avatar because I'm on the WLOP board too and isn't it a small world, bla bla bla. She asked for my username and the next thing I know is we're in a heated discussion about that meta I wrote about Florian and why I think he'll die in the last film. Dude, she even pulled my blog up on her phone to contradict every point I made."

  
"But wasn't that a 20,000 word essay? You called it your magnus opus."

  
"I know! Her argumentation was totally flimsy, she completely discarded the fact thatFlorian has a stiff leg since the end of Episode II and therefore can't fight properly anymore, saying he'll simply adapt in time for the ultimate battle. As if! Also she--"

  
"Yeah, yeah." Tyrion waved his hands. "I read your thesis, no need to bring it all up again. So, she contradicted you...and?"

  
"And she wouldn't let up! Stubborn as a mule, that girl. So, finally, we've made it to the front of the line and I thought, hey if I'm already there, might as well check out what it's for anyway and she turns to me and goes: You need to go back to the end of the line if you want something, otherwise it would be unfair to the others here. And I'm like: Uh, I've been creeping forward next to you for the past half hour? and she says: But you didn't _start_ at the end. Ridiculous, that one!"

  
"That does seem a tad excessive."

  
"The guy behind me didn't even mind. I know 'cause I turned around and asked him. She got all huffy and *whatever* after that. When she had gotten her stuff, she tried to just walk away, and I said that no one likes a dour wench and she turned around, gave me a glare of death and hissed My name is Brienne! before stomping off."

  
There had been a little more to their interaction before she'd stomped off, but his brother didn't need to know that.

  
"And you know the best part? That line was for WLOP adult coloring books. I stood in line for half an hour for a book of paintings by numbers of Renly 'lamest movie character ever' Baratheon."

  
"Didn't you give me one of those for my nameday last month?"

  
"Well, I had to buy one after all that and I have no desire to color in lame-o's beard."

  
"But I do?"

  
"Please. We both know you do all kinds of shit when you're drunk. You probably thought you were some great artist, giving him a rainbow beard or something."

  
It was a point Tyrion couldn't argue with, seeing as Jaime knew for a fact that the coloring book had indeed had some pages filled in since his nameday.  
  
Smirking because he was right, he took a look around. They were making good progress but it could be a while until they made it inside. As his glance swept over the people around them, he saw that Brienne now stood straight ahead of them with only one or two other moviegoers between them.

  
"Give me your helmet!" he demanded of Tyrion.

  
"What? No."

  
"Give me the helmet." Jaime persisted, reaching out his hand to pull it off Tyrion's head. His brother ducked and swatted his fingers away.

  
"It doesn't even fit with your golden arm--"

  
"Tyrion Willem Lannister, do not fuck with me over this or I swear by the Seven I'll come to your house some time when you're not home and rub my naked butt all over your furniture. Now give me the damn helmet before that stupid, stubborn wench sees me and tries to contradict me again!"

  
Tyrion reluctantly pulled off the black helmet and smacked it against Jaime's breastplate. The sound it made was very unsatisfying though, seeing as both things were made of plastic.

  
"Fine! And: Eew. You're a sick individual Jaime, I hope you know that."

  
"Thanks" replied his brother, leaving open to interpretation if it was the helmet or the characterization he was thanking him for. Jaime pushed the hair out of his face and pulled the helmet over his head. It was a tight fit, but with some persistance he managed to make the plastic wide enough. How he'd get it off again was something he'd worry about later. Meanwhile, Tyrion who had watched it all, narrowed his eyes.

  
"How did you even come up with that so fast? You haven't..already..have you?"

  
Jaime only shrugged and opened the visor to smirk at his brother.

  
"I don't know...have you ever accidentally told me major spoilers for Episode III?"

  
"I want my spare keys back, asshole."

  
Jaime snorted.

  
"Funny you should mention that word, because--"

  
"I don't even want to know! I'll just burn it all when I get home. Or move out. But just so you know: I will have my revenge. Like Florian in Episode II."

  
"Just remember: He got a bum leg for it."

  
"A war wound, gloriously earned."

  
"It's what will be his doom, you'll see."

  
"His, perhaps. Mine? No way. Do not underestimate me, brother. What I lack in height, I make up for in wits. You would never know what hit yo----ooof!"

  
Tyrion was propelled forward and Jaime barely caught him by the shoulder in time before he faceplanted onto the asphalt. Looking up, he found the reason for his little brother's unintentional attempted flight. It was a group of three guys, having come out of nowhere, laughing and roughhousing each other, all looking like they'd already had a few drinks. As if to prove that point, one of them pulled a flask from his pocket and took a swig.

  
"You might want to be more careful, guys. He almost fell." Jaime said, pointing to Tyrion.

  
The guy with the flask, a fat man with greasy ponytail, looked down and shrugged.

  
"So? That fucking dwarf ain't far off the ground as it is. Freakshow."

  
_Oh hell no._

  
"Watch it!" Jaime growled.

  
"You watch it, dick!"

  
"Wow that's a great comeback. You really let me have it."

  
"I'll let you have it right now if you don't shut up and turn back around."

  
"It's your funeral. I am, after all, the sword of the morning." Jaime shrugged, pointing to his costume.

  
"You're an idiot is what you are!" the guy with the ponytail laughed.

  
"Yeah" One of his buddies chimed in,  "You're not even authentic! You're wearing Arthur's golden armor with Tobho's black helmet."

  
"He's got you there, brother."

  
Jaime threw Tyrion a whose-side-are-you-on?!-look before he realized it wasn't visible with the visor down and turned back again to face the three idiots.

  
"Yeah? Well, I can take the helmet off before punching your lights out if that makes you feel better."

  
"Oh yeah?" the guy taunted, getting right up into Jaime's face. Not to be outdone, he got right back into his in return and so they were standing chest to chest, trying to stare the other one down.

  
"Oh yeah." he confirmed.

  
Greasy ponytail shoved him. He shoved back. The asshole shoved him again, stronger and right onto dickwad #2 who proceeded to grab him so that he couldn't shove back again. Tyrion tried to interfere, but was simply pushed aside by greasy ponytail who walked up to Jaime, a mean grin on his face.

  
"Guess it's _your_ funeral after all."

  
He drew back his fist, aiming straight for Jaime's plastic-encased head, but before he could release the punch, a voice rang, forcefully.

  
"Hey!"

  
Ponytail, his buddy and Jaime all snapped their gazes to the direction of the voice. But all he could see out of the corner of his eyes and through the slit in his helmet was blue.

  
"Cut it out!" the voice continued, and it sounded distinctly..female. And while he still couldn't see her face, Jaime was pretty sure he knew who the unexpected saviour in blue was.

  
"Check it out, Rorge. It's a girl. An ugly one at that." The asshole with the ponytail laughed.

  
Now that was just rude. Okay, so perhaps Brienne wasn't.. conventionally pretty, but she did certainly have her assets and anyway, ugly was a big word coming from a guy that looked like asshole did. Jaime pushed against the idiot that was still holding him, apparently named Rorge, trying to get his hand free and show asshole what he thought of his opinion. It didn't really work, but at least he could see the girl in the blue armor now. She was calm, focused, and just exuded confidence that she could take them on and win. It was kinda hot.

  
"Let him go." Brienne demanded, not bothering to acknowledge what the guy had said about her appearance or his laughter.

  
"What're you gonna do about it, you ...woman?"

  
She straightened her spine, pulling herself up to her full, impressive, height that was at least 10 inches taller than greasy ponytail was. Yeah, scratch that _kinda_. It was hot.

  
"Do not test me..man."

  
The third..well, asshole.. decided to get involved now too. And as it turned out, he was the brains in the trio.

  
"Come on Zollo. Forget it. I don't want to get kicked out before the movie even starts. That would suck balls."

  
Asshole #1 aka Zollo looked at Brienne for a long tense moment longer before turning away with a sneer.

  
"Ugly broad."

  
He took another swig from his flask and passed it on to his brainy buddy.

  
"Get hype!"

  
Rorge finally let go of Jaime, pushing him into Brienne who caught him, and the idiots thankfully went back to where they'd come from further back in the queue.  Jaime sent them off with the stink eye before stepping out of Brienne's grip.

  
"What a bunch of douchebags. Thank you for the help, blue knight." Tyrion spoke up.

  
"You're welcome. Everything alright with you two?"

  
"Fine, fine. You?"

  
"Not the first time I had to deal with someone that got the wrong kind of liquid courage."

  
"It was awesome. How you dealt with them, I mean. The 'calm, but lethal' thing? So cool."

  
"Thanks." she chuckled.

  
"Why yes, I'm alright too, brother. Thanks for your concern." Jaime grumbled, flipping up the visor. Brienne's chuckle broke off as she turned to look at him.

  
"Oh. It's _you_."

  
That didn't sound exactly enthusiastic. Jaime chose to focus on the positive side of that comment.

  
"Glad to see I've made an impression on you."

  
"Well, let's see: You called me a wench, said I was stupid for believing that Florian's arc could have a happy ending and.. what was it again? Oh yeah. After disagreeing with everything I said for at least twenty minutes you still asked me if I wanted to kill time before the Q &A by making out with you."

  
"Thought about that one ever since, have you?" he grinned.

  
"Hardly." She scoffed and...was she blushing? _Interesting_. Jaime's grin got broader and he decided to taunt her a little. See if he could get a little more of that red onto her cheeks. It looked rather endearing.

  
"Best go to the end of the line, otherwise it would be unfair to us others."

  
"I know.." Brienne sighed, turning to leave. Jaime rolled his eyes. Clearly someone hadn't gotten the 'This-is-a-joke'-memo.

  
"Wait! Stay." Tyrion quickly said. "You just saved my brother from getting his ass kicked by those three--"

  
"Did not! I had it under control!" Jaime interrupted, not that anyone paid attention.

  
"As I said, you saved us, stay here. Please. Trust me, no one minds. We're almost in anyway. We all have tickets, we all will get in. Just a matter of when."

  
Brienne looked doubtful, but in the end, nodded. Tyrion nudged Jaime's knee and gestured for him to bend down to his level.

  
"You hit on her?" he whispered.

  
"I'm a legs man. You have seen her legs, right?" Jaime whispered back with a shrug.

  
"That's why you didn't want her to see you? Because she turned you down?"

  
"Yes. No. A little."

  
"Should I make myself scarce?"

  
"Don't you dare! I may have need of your wit."

  
"Are you guys okay?" Brienne chimed in.

  
"Perfectly okay." Tyrion replied, before looking back at Jaime with a shit-eating grin.

  
"Remember that part about me getting my revenge?"

  
"Tyrion.." he tried to be threatening, but it seemed to have no effect.

  
"I'm not scared of you or your smelly butt."

  
Stepping back, his devious little brother put on a very convincing regretful face.

  
"I just remembered that I need to make a very important phone call. It's still business hours in east Essos. So sorry. I'll catch up with you guys inside."

  
And before Jaime could object, the little devil had already sauntered off.

  
"So..." Brienne began after a long moment of silence while they were shuffling closer to the entrance.

  
"So.." Jaime repeated, "Uh..did you have fun with your coloring book?"

  
"That wasn't for me! I got that book for my friend Marge. I have better things to do with my time than coloring in Renly. He's a lame character."

  
"What do you know? You and I might get on splendidly after all."

  
"Hmm?"

  
"Oh..nothing. Get ready, we're up soon."

  
Gesturing for her to go through the ticket gate first, Jaime took a moment to appreciate her legs from behind, a slow smile spreading on his face. Oh yes, he really hoped they would get on splendidly this second meeting..

 

  
  
157 action-packed minutes (and a few trailers) later...  
  
  
  
  
  
"See? I told you Florian would not die." Brienne smiled as they were leaving the theater.

  
"You'll have to admit that it was close, though." Which was why it was okay for Jaime to have his meta be wrong after all. It could've gone either way.

  
"Alright, I can admit that. It was close. Happy now?"

  
To be honest, he was. Not only had it been the epic conclusion they had been promised, but more than that, he'd had a great time watching the movie with Brienne and her quiet but oftentimes funny comments. She didn't speak up a lot, but when she did, it was spot on. She really was quite entertaining when she wasn't a stickler for rules plus he still liked her long legs a lot  and so Jaime found himself thinking that he was not quite willing to end the night already.

  
"So, since you complained half of the movie about me stealing your popcorn..how about we go for some late night early morning pizza, wench?"

  
"My name is--"

  
"Brienne, I know."

  
"Don't you have to wait for your brother?"

  
The traitor had only showed up shortly, telling them that since he came in almost last, he _unfortunately_ couldn't sit with them. 

  
"Nah, he drove us. I'll just call him, let him know he can go home. Anyway, he's got a couch to burn. And a kitchen counter... And, come to think of it, the Dornish rug in his hallway. Come on. I'm buying. We can write a review together for the WLOP board."

  
"Okay, I don't have any idea what that about burning stuff is supposed to mean, but I could eat. There's a diner just around the corner. No pizza, but pancakes?"

  
"Sounds excellent. There's just one thing.."

  
"What?"

  
"I think I need someone to cut me out of this helmet. Seeing as you've done it already once tonight, you wouldn't mind rescuing me again, would you?"

  
"Well, you are buying me pancakes after all, so.."

  
"Oh those are for the popcorn stealing. I'll think of something to give you for the rescues."

  
After all, a Lannister always paid his debts. Though, truth be told, if this impromptu dinner went the way he hoped, he already had an idea on what to give her. One that would work so much better without any plastic in the way..

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday, ikkiM! All the best things to you! :)


End file.
